Holding Pattern

But that's not a bad thing.  The radiation treatments continue with 9 down and 26 left.  I seem to have made it through the first week of chemo relatively unscathed.  And, I think that the ultimate solution to my sleeping problem may be Ambien.  All will be revealed. . .


But there are a couple of things I want to mention.  Now, when I started this blog, it was to be as a vehicle for disseminating information to the most people possible without having to repeat it too many times.  Nothing more elegant than that.  Oh, I knew that it would become therapy for me, and it already has.  But, in no way, is it meant as wisdom for the ages.  Oh, if somebody, somewhere gleans something that helps them or someone they know, that's all the better.  But I do feel I'd like to share a couple of teaching (hopefully not 'preaching' moments. . .  ;-)


First, I have learned more than I ever wanted to about anxiety.  Some of it was my own doing - I felt that I knew it all having been through David's ordeal 10 years ago and nothing could throw me.  But, the different perspective does, indeed, bring different thoughts and feelings.  I found myself being scared, short-tempered, and irrational in my expectations of myself and others.  Fortunately, Elaine had the foresight for me to get a prescription of Xanax in advance.  And then the first time took one and noticed the way it made me feel, I realized that, up to that point, I really had not understood what anxiety actually is.  But, it was the major contributor to my edginess, shortness or breath, and general fatigue.  I mention this as a 'public service' to anyone else out there who may have found or will someday find their own bodies inhabited by a scary, strange interloper.  If you do, get it taken care of immediately - it is NOT good for you!!!


Second thing is another public service announcement aimed at people in the Sarasota-Bradenton area.  If you ever find yourself afflicted with cancer of know someone who has or will be, check out the magnificent Center for Building Hope in Lakewood Ranch.  They are totally dedicated to helping people with cancer and their caregivers/friend/families bear their particular crosses.  They have activities, classes, support groups, and networking groups that meet regularly.  Elaine and I were there yesterday for a relaxation class and it was great.  I'm not saying that it's a place I'm going to hang out regularly, but both of us will continue to avail ourselves of the resources available.


Class is over.  Everyone still with me gets an "A"!!


Peace and love to all!!
Joe

20% of the Way!!

Radiation treatment number 7 of 35 today, so 20% of the way!!!  Of course, it's the easiest 20%, but who's counting??  ;-)


I had an appointment with Dr. Caudell, my radiation oncologist yesterday, and with Dr. Russell, my medical oncologist, today.  Besides being the angels that are going to save my life, they both gave me good progress reports.  Of course, the caveat is that it only gets worse from here, but that's what I expected.  Frankly, I expected it to have worse so far. . .   I know, don't be whistling past the graveyard and tempt the fates, but it will be as bad as it gets and I'll just cope with it, as best I can.  As both doctors pointed out, they will be doing everything they can to make the road as bearable as possible.


I'm still beastly tired, but may have gotten some leads on getting better rest.  I'm going to step up from Xanax to Ativan at bedtime tonight as the anti-anxiety drug of choice.  And, my genius wife Elaine devised a way I can go back to sleeping on my stomach.  And, tomorrow, I'll be going to the Center for Hope in Sarasota (formerly the Wellness Center) for a class in internal relaxation techniques.  I'm definitely hopeful. . .


Will keep you all posted!!


As ever,
Joe

Week 2 Begins!!

And, it was mostly uneventful.  Had radiation treatment 6 with 29 more to go.  And this one was the easiest so far, I must say -I managed to find the one comfortable position possible in the hockey mask/harness device, and that makes all the difference.  I have been assured that more side effects will start showing up next week, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it. . .


And I have to say I still haven't figured out how the Trilogy Machine that actually administers the radiation works.  The damn thing looks like some kind of space junk from Star Wars.  I was expecting more of a ray gun looking thing, but not so.  In fact, the part that looks like the spaceship from Plan 9 From Outer Space actually has a sticker of a monkey attached to it. . .   Hey, as long as it works. . . .


Peace and love to all!!!
Joe

Priming for Week 2

So far, knock on wood. . .   Five days after the first chemo, there have not been too many ill effects from it.  I guess I had never known that nausea can also include burping and hiccupping as well as that wonderful sick feeling we're all familiar with.  But that is what I primarily experienced a few times, though not to a major degree.  There was a short spell of that condition we don't talk about in public so much but that requires frequent trips, to use the vernacular from "How I Met Your Mother", to go read a magazine,


The biggest issues so far are I'm finding sleeping a problem as I've been a lifelong stomach sleeper, and just can't do that as long as I'm still "the tube dude".  Sleeping on my back makes me dizzy and sleeping on my side is awkward as I fear rolling over onto the feeding tube and ripping it out.  And, I have absolutely NO appetite,  Most times, looking at food repulses me.  Hopefully, this is not a permanent condition!!




But, all in all, the beat goes on and recovery is out there!!


Peace and love to one and all!!!
Joe

Short But Sweet

OK, campers. . .  The firs week of radiation and chemo is done!!  Other than being beastly tired, I feel pretty good.  No fallout from the chemo yet, but it seems that if it hits, it will be over the weekend.  We shall see about that, I suppose.


Peace and Love to all as I try to get a weekend of rest to go back to the wars next week!!

Portrait of a Cancer Fighter!!

Portrait of a Cancer Fighter!!

Finally, I figured out how to post a picture to this blog!!!  Some of us are slow learners.  And I can't blame the disease for my brain malfeasance. . . .

Anyway, this was taken the morning before the first treatment.  We'll see how it goes as the weeks progress. . .

So today began with radiation treatment #4 (31 more to go) and the second day of fluid infusion after chemo.  So far, so good on the chemo - I did feel a slight wave of nausea late last night but the prescriptions that I got set me right.  It will be interesting to see how it goes once the anti-nausea drugs that were in the IV cocktail wear off.  I have to say that cancer is not for wimps - there's a new adventure every day.  And I'm finding all the routines I have to follow to try to retain dental health, to treat the mouth ulcers that will soon begin to form, and to keep up with the five time a day swallowing exercises is near a full-time job.  If you don't think you're up to the regimen, don't sign up for the disease, I tell you!!  (Yes, that is a feeble attempt at a joke. . .  ;-)

But what is not a joke are the revelations I've been having about where I see my life going after this.  I know I had mentioned working for/volunteering at Hospice after David passed 9 years ago as I was very, very impressed by the organization and the people that work there.  I will admit that my interest waned for a while, but it is definitely coming back and I know that I will ultimately volunteer there, with the perspectives of both someone who has seen a loved one's passage eased by the angels of Hospice and of a cancer survivor my own self.  But what I have learned these past few weeks grappling with the disease and meeting and talking with others with the disease, I realize how to be the most effective volunteer I can be.  What I'm finding is that people want to talk about their experiences and that's what comforts them.  So, when I become a volunteer, I'll certainly have the 'street cred', but that's not what my 'clients' are going to care about.  So, instead of telling them about what David and I went through, my entire personal introduction will go something like, "My name is Joe, my son David had a very satisfying Hospice experience x years ago and I'm in my nth year of becoming a survivor.  Now, tell me what's your story".  I will be able to listen and I will mean it.  I will only mention my past history again if they ask.  People are listening to me right now and I want give the future patients of the disease the empathetic ear they deserve.

OK, off of soapbox.

Peace and love to all!!!!
Joe

Going to the Mats With Chemo!!

OK, first it's been a while since I last posted, not because I haven't been feeling up to it but because the wi-fi in the hotel where we've been staying this week is beastly sloooooooooooooooooooooow and I tend to nod off while I'm waiting for responses. . .


But, so far, there have been three radiation treatments, my first round of chemo on Tuesday, and then round one of fluid infusion today with round two to follow tomorrow.  The chemo IV also included two different types of anti-nausea drugs and they gave me prescriptions for three others.  Not sure if this is a precaution or if I can expect serious fun and games after the IV goodies wear off.  Time will tell, I suppose. . . .


But the time in the chemo pod has been interesting.  Yesterday, we talked with a guy who is on an 8-hour, once a week regimen and had is treatment this week delayed a day so he could go to the Rays home opener.  My kind of guy!!!  And today, my pod mate was a woman I used to work with 11 years ago at FCCI Insurance in Sarasota.  Once again, a small world but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.


Like I say, so far, I have had no ill effects from anything, other than wearing out rather quickly (of course, last night, I was beat at about 9 PM and then caught second wind and was wired until 11:30).  But there is still something different every day.  But, I any reveling in knowing that, as Adrienne said, "The Recovery Starts Now!"


Peace and love to all!!
Joe