Well, Campers, I don't seem to be able to attach pictures to my blog entries anymore, so just imagine my 'In your face' to cancer as a tattoo of the Rolling Stones Sticky Fingers tongue on my upper left arm.
Slowly but surely, I'm still on the mend. I'm not as tired as I used to be, which is a good thing, I still get tired, but not the weary-to-the-bone fatigue of a few weeks ago. And I discontinued my blood pressure medication which has also eased the dizziness I had been feeling as my blood pressure has dropped severely since I lost about 30 pounds.
I'm still not sure about when I will be able to go back to work. But I have been thinking beyond that. I figure that I'll work a year or so and retire in my time, not when the disease tells me to. And then, I want to move onto the next stage of my life which will entail volunteering at Hospice or a cancer center. I want to share my experiences of the last ten years and I don't want anyone to go through what I went through without as much support as I can help give them.
But, I've learned that things aren't always that easy. I've been going to more support group meetings, and will continue to do so. These have been great as far as learning what to expect, sharing other folks' experiences, and learning that, in general, we've all been through the same wringer. But, there's a wrinkle. One of the groups includes people who aren't yet cured and may not be. In other words, these could be the people I'll be dealing with at Hospice. And, I had my first brush with 'survivor guilt'.
Yes, I will be dealing with people that are not going to get better, and there will be some guilt involved. So, my mission is to think about to cope with that. I will be faced with that question of why was I the lucky one?? I realize that it seems weird that I would consider myself lucky, but comparatively, I am.
It's not going to prevent me from doing what I eventually do, but it is something to consider.
Wearing out fast!!
Peace and love to all!!!
Joe
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