Still Holding. . .

OK, Campers. . .  I guess it's been a while since I provided an update.  Two reasons, I guess. . .  One, there really hasn't been too much change.  I'm improving slowly.  Every day is a little better, but so far no quantum leaps.  But, according to my doctors, I'm pretty much on schedule, so I guess I have to be more patient.


And, for the longest time, I've been beastly tired most of the time.  That, too, has been gradually improving.  Mostly the character of the weariness has changed.  At first, it seemed to stem from my body core - I pretty much always felt fatigued and lifeless.  I'm still tired a lot, but it's more of a 'conventional' tired, like after the Sandman makes his visit.


I'll try to be more timely and see if I can't also come up with some words of wisdom. . .  ;-)


Peace and love to all!!
Joe

The Day of Reckoning is Set

OK, Campers.  My appointment is now set for the PET Scan which will tell if my treatments have been successful in eradicating the disease.  I will have the scan on Tuesday, August 19.  Later that day, I will meet with Dr. Caudell, my radiation oncologist, to decode the results.  So, here's keeping my fingers crossed!!


I also had an appointment with the speech pathologist/swallowing specialists yesterday and found out that I have probably slowed down part of my recovery process by making some invalid assumptions.  I figured that one treatment was over and since I was swallowing OK, I could discontinue the swallowing exercises that I had been doing since before treatment began.  Wrong. . . .  I need to still be doing them to work on getting control of my tongue back.,  I just figured that it would be a matter of time, related to when the swelling of my tongue went away.  Oh, eventually, that latter route would have worked, but I can speed up the process by getting back on the exercise regimen.  In my feeble defense, for the first few weeks after treatment ended, I could barely stay awake so getting up the ambition to exercise, hell getting the ambition to do anything, was beyond my capacity.  Yeah, that's my story ad I'm sticking to it.


Hope all is well with all of you!!!


Peace and love to all!!
Joe

And Now for Something Completely Different. . .

OK, Campers.  After a four week routine of essentially watching TV by myself in the mornings, watching movies and other videos with friends in the afternoon, and somewhere along the line running an errand with whoever was here to drive me, I went totally of script today.  It's Saturday and Elaine is not working so I decided we could do something out of the ordinary.   And we did. . .  For no apparent reason other than it's close by, I decided that I wanted to play miniature golf.  So, we went to the local course and had a great time!!!  And I roughed it - no cart.  I walked the entire course.  ;-)  I must admit that I took a nice nap once we got home as the heat and effort did sap me a little more than I expected.


The healing progress continues.  Slow, but it's happening.  I can't get too excited when I notice a vast improvement  in the morning as there will often be a slight backslide the next morning.  But the net result is still a little better every day, and who could ask for more than that?


Peace and love to all!!
Joe

A Bit of a Surprise

Well, Campers, one more time my impatience is revealed.  I'm sitting here thinking that it's taking forever to feel any progress.  But yesterday, I had an appointment with Dr. Russell, my medical oncologist, who informed me that I'm probably about a week ahead of the norm as far as recovery goes.

Just goes to show you that sometimes having an opinion just isn't worth the effort.

Peace and love to all!!
Joe

Keepin' On Keepin' On

OK, Campers.  Week three of post-treatment recovery is in the books.  I'm getting a little better every day, though no miracles.  But, as I keep saying, that's my problem.  Patience never was one of my  virtues. 


What's funny is that the doctors and nurses have been wonderful in setting what should be my expectation level.  My dilemma is that I'm not real good at accepting that level.  C'est la vie. . .


But, when I look objectively, there has been vast improvement.  Like I told Elaine last night, it was only a week and a half or so that I was spewing mucous from every available orifice several times a day.  I don't mean to jinx myself (probably too late. . . ;-), but it has been about a week since Vesuvius erupted.  That alone is worth the price of admission.


Also to the good, I'm eating more 'real' food.  Okay, calling pudding real food is a stretch, but it's something other than a box of Boost VHC (Very High Calorie).  And some sort of breakfast grain cereal is in the mix, occasional pureed meat, and pureed vegetables.  Trying anything more solid than that is still out of the question as my tongue still swells and subsides of it's own volition and I really have no control over it.  Soon, soon, I know. . .  (There's that rare virtue again. . .) 


But the process continues and for that I am grateful!!


Peace and love to all!!!
Joe

I Never Saw It Coming

OK, Campers. I know that I sometimes bandy about the term 'life-changing events' and probably take liberties with what it actually entails. But today I've been thinking about those events which certainly do change the way we live but go a little bit deeper and actually change the core of who we are, of how we see our lives, and how we choose to live those lives from that point forward.

So far, I'm going to say I have experienced two such moments, and one of those is still in progress.  And, yes, both of then involve #$%@& cancer.  The first was 10 years ago when my son David was afflicted and passed on.  That was my first total eye-opener.  Yes, my life was inexorably changed, but the person that I had been also left this plane, leaving me, ultimately, as the best person I have ever been.  I began to value my family and friends more and became less mercenary.  Oh, I certainly care about my career and try to do my meager best, but it is not the focal point of my life. I'm a kinder, gentler person.  I'm more relaxed.  All in all, I'm healthier, happier, and feel good about damn near everything.  It's great being me.  And, anyone out there that doesn't feel that way about their own life ought to be asking why.

So, that brings us to the second moment.  Yeah, I thought I learned it all going though David's bout with the disease.  Boy, was I wrong. . .   ;-)

But, this round is still a work in progress.  I'm not sure where it will lead me and how I will be changed, though I know I will be.  It's sort of funny, but I know that the process has already begun but I still can't focus enough to determine how.  One thing is that I know I will continue to worship Elaine and will do everything I can for her, knowing it will never measure up to all she's done foe me during this long, strange trip.  It will really take a cataclysmic event to upset me.  I will reconsider my retirement plans, and will most likely move my date up a year or so, meaning sometime in 2015.  I will take every day as it comes, appreciating every day I wake up above the grass.  And, I know there will be others.

But then, every day is better than the day before.

Peace and love to all!!!
Joe

Nothing New But Feeling Better

No major breakthroughs today, though I think it is now safe to say that most of the pain in the back of my throat, which had been constant, is now almost gone.  My tongue is still sore swollen and useless, but one thing at a time!!

And I get a bonus this week.  Elaine is working the weekend, so she has today and tomorrow off.  So, I get to see her smiling face all day for the next two days!!!  Life is good!!

Peace and love to all!!
Joe

A Little Better Every Day

Well, Campers, progress continues, albeit slowly,  But, progress is progress and progress is good!

An interesting, but I guess pretty major, breakthrough is that, though I do not crave eating 'real' food, the thought of it no longer repulses me.  With Elaine's urging and help, I'm now eating it least 3 very soft food items per day - things that don't require chewing.  But swallowing works great with only a little bit of pain.  I'm still taking most of my 'food' through the tube (drinking has never been a problem), but I'm seeing the path open up.  Life is good.

No more to add right now. . .  Oh, my hair stylist, Tom, made a house call yesterday, so I was able to get a long overdue haircut and am looking fine. . . .  ;-)

Peace and love to all!!
Joe

Life and Death

OK, Campers. . .  We get a little serious today.

But before that, in a follow-up to yesterday's post, one of my eating dilemmas is on the way to being solved.  Elaine has taken the cat by the whiskers and said she will prepare enough semi-solid foods for me to do away with one Boost per day.  So far, so good - I was able to eat some scrambled eggs and oatmeal with no problems.  Life is good!!

But, to the topic at hand. . .  Ten years ago, when I went through my son David's ordeal, knowing he was terminal, I began to face my own mortality.  And, in my infinite hubris, thought I had it figured out.  I was not going to welcome death nor face it with open arms, but I felt that I could face it with no fears.

Fast forward to the present. . .  As I've said many times on these pages, when YOU are the afflicted one, everything changes.  Now, I was fortunate this time around in knowing within a couple of weeks of diagnosis that my survival chances are over 90%.  Up until then, I was basing things on the Internet, which but me at about 57%.  (Since that point, I have mostly avoided looking up anything online - there is some good information but also a lot of not so good stuff that can and will make you crazy.)  So, I really never spent a lot of time dwelling on preparing for the great beyond, but I did spend some time doing just that.  And, I found that whole 'death be not proud' horse hockey just that.  Frankly, I was scared you-know-what-less.  Now, I know that had my prognosis been less rosy, I would have come to grips.  As you've heard me say before, you don't know what you can handle until you have to, and then you surprise yourself.  But, fortunately for me, that is a different story for a different day.

But I have noticed many changes in how I see things.  I don't know if they will last, but we shall see.  I've never been a real fan of violence in any form, but my tolerance to violence on TV has really become lower.  There are movies that I've seen before that I know I cannot watch now, as they will deeply disturb me.  And I can't help but notice how many TV ads there are for disease, drugs, and cancer centers.  I am much more aware of death and violence in the news.  I am more aware of sports injuries.  Anything with the 'c' word catches my attention.  Things of that nature.  I suppose the easy solution is to stop watching the damn TV. . .

Anyway, bottom line, and I'm sure I'm tweaking something previously said by Woody Allen, contemplating you own death is not something you can do cavalierly and/or objectively.

Peace and love to all!!!
Joe