Well, Campers, I was inspired today by someone else's real-life experience.
I was watching "The Chew" on ABC and Robin Roberts of "Good Morning America" was one of the guests. For those of you who don't know her story, she was treated for breast cancer and, I believe, leukemia. Among other things, she talked about her book that she wrote about her experiences with the disease. Her main points were that everyone is fighting some demon, though not necessarily life-threatening, that no matter what it is, this too shall pass, and that she has slowed down since and enjoys life more.
Another point she raised was that during chemo, she couldn't stand the smell of food but enjoyed watching cooking shows on TV.
The book sounds like a good read and I have ordered it.
She made me think. Sometimes I'm letting myself get down. But, what really overshadows any discomfort I'm feeling is that I'm on the road to being a cancer survivor. I have beat the disease and accomplished something that most (fortunately) don't ever have to do.
It really pumped me up. I found that I was not nearly as tired as I have been and was actually excited about getting better.
Maybe TV is not a total vast wasteland.
Peace and love,
Joe
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Goin' Mobile. . .
Well, campers, a little more excitement today than I bargained for. . . When I started my second feeding of the day through my feeding tube, the cap of the tube broke, meaning I could not seal the tube shut after feeding. I called Elaine in a panic and she came up with the brilliant idea of clamping it shut with one of the clips we have around the house for keeping papers together, bags closed, etc. That got me through the main crisis at which I point I called Moffitt Cancer Center for advice. Next thing I knew, my daughter Kate was driving me up to Tampa to the center for repair work. They fixed me up with a new cap, and all is well. But I was certainly concerned as the doctors tell me I'll be using the tube for a while longer, although this is an impetus for working on weaning myself from the darn thing.
On a happier note, my son Joey and his girlfriend Tabatha are in town from Atlanta for a few days and I ended up getting up and about a little more than I had been. On Sunday, the kids, Elaine, and I went to Siesta Beach for sunset and the drum circle. Walking to the beach through sand was definitely a good workout. Monday was rest and recovery. Tuesday, I soloed in the car for the first time in several months - about a 2 mile round trip to the gas station, ATM, and Publix. Wednesday was Team Trivia evening, which gets me out of the house for about three hours, and then today, before the tube emergency run, I did a solo 10 mile round trip to downtown Sarasota to finalize Elaine's and my voter registrations for the upcoming primaries in August.
So, all in all, I'm still tired a lot and nap a lot, but am trying my best to work through it.
Peace and love to all!!
Joe
On a happier note, my son Joey and his girlfriend Tabatha are in town from Atlanta for a few days and I ended up getting up and about a little more than I had been. On Sunday, the kids, Elaine, and I went to Siesta Beach for sunset and the drum circle. Walking to the beach through sand was definitely a good workout. Monday was rest and recovery. Tuesday, I soloed in the car for the first time in several months - about a 2 mile round trip to the gas station, ATM, and Publix. Wednesday was Team Trivia evening, which gets me out of the house for about three hours, and then today, before the tube emergency run, I did a solo 10 mile round trip to downtown Sarasota to finalize Elaine's and my voter registrations for the upcoming primaries in August.
So, all in all, I'm still tired a lot and nap a lot, but am trying my best to work through it.
Peace and love to all!!
Joe
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Let's Get a Litle More Upbeat. . .
OK, Campers. . . It's been called to my attention from several fronts that my more recent entries have become somewhat more morose. . . . I fear that was true and want to apologize and offer a few words of explanation.
First, let me digress. . . My primary purposes in maintaining the blog were as a catharsis for myself and to keep as many people updated as possible without having to repeat the info too often. And, I wanted to share my experiences with anyone who, the Heavens forbid, may find themselves or someone they are close to in a similar position.
And, like Fox News ;-), I wanted to keep my reporting fair and balanced. I am by nature a positive person, but I knew there would be times I was down in the dumps, so to speak,. Hell, even the bluebird of happiness has off days. . .
Early on, I hit bouts of anxiety, previously recorded on these pages. Once I identified it, I was able to deal with it. (The wonders of Xanax.). But in recent weeks, I was blindsided by anxiety's more sinister brother, depression. That I did not see coming. But I found myself getting impatient, tired, and often on edge. Around the same time, I started feeling cancer-related fatigue, a very common phenomenon. My case, however, was very profound. What I have since learned is that the fatigue can be exacerbated by depression. So, without realizing it, I was allowing myself to go down the rat hole.
I went to my medical oncologist, who has given me a prescription for an anti-depressant, which I have now taken for 3 - 4 days. The fatigue is still with me to a lesser degree, but the emotional edginess is pretty much gone, that is, I have climbed out of the rat hole!! The take-away for me on this learning experience is that if your feel something is wrong, it probably is. Our bodies are constantly talking to us if we take the time to listen.
But, I'm not as exhausted and am a little more ambitious. Like, it doesn't take every ounce of energy to merely stand up anymore.
But I want to thank everyone who noticed for their attention and the fact that you all care. So, please, if you notice me heading for that rat hole again, call me out on it!!
Peace and Love,
Joe
First, let me digress. . . My primary purposes in maintaining the blog were as a catharsis for myself and to keep as many people updated as possible without having to repeat the info too often. And, I wanted to share my experiences with anyone who, the Heavens forbid, may find themselves or someone they are close to in a similar position.
And, like Fox News ;-), I wanted to keep my reporting fair and balanced. I am by nature a positive person, but I knew there would be times I was down in the dumps, so to speak,. Hell, even the bluebird of happiness has off days. . .
Early on, I hit bouts of anxiety, previously recorded on these pages. Once I identified it, I was able to deal with it. (The wonders of Xanax.). But in recent weeks, I was blindsided by anxiety's more sinister brother, depression. That I did not see coming. But I found myself getting impatient, tired, and often on edge. Around the same time, I started feeling cancer-related fatigue, a very common phenomenon. My case, however, was very profound. What I have since learned is that the fatigue can be exacerbated by depression. So, without realizing it, I was allowing myself to go down the rat hole.
I went to my medical oncologist, who has given me a prescription for an anti-depressant, which I have now taken for 3 - 4 days. The fatigue is still with me to a lesser degree, but the emotional edginess is pretty much gone, that is, I have climbed out of the rat hole!! The take-away for me on this learning experience is that if your feel something is wrong, it probably is. Our bodies are constantly talking to us if we take the time to listen.
But, I'm not as exhausted and am a little more ambitious. Like, it doesn't take every ounce of energy to merely stand up anymore.
But I want to thank everyone who noticed for their attention and the fact that you all care. So, please, if you notice me heading for that rat hole again, call me out on it!!
Peace and Love,
Joe
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Latest Doctor Visit
Well, Campers, I visited the doctor today and my suspicions were confirmed. My progress is right where it should be, but I do have a profound case of cancer-related fatigue. I was given a prescription that will hopefully alleviate the fatigue, which I will pick up tomorrow. We shall see. . .
And once again, I find myself in a pensive mood. I 've been looking back on my life, and asking if I would have done anything differently. The answer is the same that I think we'd all give - 'Hell, Yes'. Now, that is not to say that we wish we were someone else. I'm just thinking that any of us who are being honest with ourselves all have something we would tweak, as no matter how exemplary a life we may have led, we all have some cross to burn. The secret is recognizing it, doing what we can to make the best of it, and then doing everything we can to prevent making the same mistakes again. For me, the one that comes to mind right now is this cancer thing. I've read the contract over and over and I'm not finding anywhere that I signed on for this.. . I guess it must be in the really fine print.. . .
But, for the most part, I am excessively happy with where I am in life, especially with the angel Elaine in it. That alone is worth the price of admission!
I am reminded of my favorite line from Jimmy Buffett - 'Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I've had a good life all the way.'
Peace and love to all!!
Joe
And once again, I find myself in a pensive mood. I 've been looking back on my life, and asking if I would have done anything differently. The answer is the same that I think we'd all give - 'Hell, Yes'. Now, that is not to say that we wish we were someone else. I'm just thinking that any of us who are being honest with ourselves all have something we would tweak, as no matter how exemplary a life we may have led, we all have some cross to burn. The secret is recognizing it, doing what we can to make the best of it, and then doing everything we can to prevent making the same mistakes again. For me, the one that comes to mind right now is this cancer thing. I've read the contract over and over and I'm not finding anywhere that I signed on for this.. . I guess it must be in the really fine print.. . .
But, for the most part, I am excessively happy with where I am in life, especially with the angel Elaine in it. That alone is worth the price of admission!
I am reminded of my favorite line from Jimmy Buffett - 'Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I've had a good life all the way.'
Peace and love to all!!
Joe
Sunday, July 13, 2014
A Little Philosophy
Well, Campers, I'm feeling a little pensive today. . .
I'm also feeling very tired as I seem to be in the throes of cancer-related fatigue, a not uncommon phenomenon, I understand. For the most part, the other manifestations of the disease are abating, I'm just zombie-tired. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so hopefully there's something that can be done the ease the fatigue. I know that a lot will be dependent upon my getting my sorry a$$ in gear and just pushing through the weariness. Unfortunately, that's way easier said than done. . .
Which brings me to the rest of the story. . . What I'm finding is that everyone who has cancer, has had it, or knows someone who has/had it has their story. And no matter how the stories may be the same, they are also all different - the disease affects everyone differently.
What I find interesting and consistent is that people who had 'milder' forms of the disease (no such thing, but I'll get to that later) are often apologetic when speaking to people who had a more severe variety. And that is where I think they sell themselves short. In my humble opinion, someone who has/had Stage 1 of the disease does not owe anyone of us who were Stage 4 any apologies. As I tell them, the disease is still the disease and radiation and chemo are going to knock you on your tail feathers if you were treated for Stage 1 just as much as if you were treated for Stage 4. Your body is being pumped full of poisons and chemicals that have the single purpose of killing everything in their path. The theory being that the 'bad' cells will stay dead and the 'good' cells will come back. I'm guessing that the regenerative process is what causes the massive fatigue as your body is trying to combat the poisons, a process that continues long after treatment is complete.
And, no matter what stage and how early the disease was diagnosed, this is the first time that most of us faced our own mortality. And no matter how prepared you think you are, until you look the Grim Reaper eye to eye, your personal definition of fear is not complete. Again, no matter how low the actual risk of death is for your form of the disease, you will at some point face the fear. And in the back of your mind, you know that no matter how many times you beat the Reaper, he eventually wins.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, at the risk of sounding like I'm patting my own self on the back, anyone who has lived through cancer and the treatment, deserves a pat on the back, no matter the severity of their disease or the ultimate outcome. We've paid some dues.
Peace and love to one and all!!
Joe
I'm also feeling very tired as I seem to be in the throes of cancer-related fatigue, a not uncommon phenomenon, I understand. For the most part, the other manifestations of the disease are abating, I'm just zombie-tired. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so hopefully there's something that can be done the ease the fatigue. I know that a lot will be dependent upon my getting my sorry a$$ in gear and just pushing through the weariness. Unfortunately, that's way easier said than done. . .
Which brings me to the rest of the story. . . What I'm finding is that everyone who has cancer, has had it, or knows someone who has/had it has their story. And no matter how the stories may be the same, they are also all different - the disease affects everyone differently.
What I find interesting and consistent is that people who had 'milder' forms of the disease (no such thing, but I'll get to that later) are often apologetic when speaking to people who had a more severe variety. And that is where I think they sell themselves short. In my humble opinion, someone who has/had Stage 1 of the disease does not owe anyone of us who were Stage 4 any apologies. As I tell them, the disease is still the disease and radiation and chemo are going to knock you on your tail feathers if you were treated for Stage 1 just as much as if you were treated for Stage 4. Your body is being pumped full of poisons and chemicals that have the single purpose of killing everything in their path. The theory being that the 'bad' cells will stay dead and the 'good' cells will come back. I'm guessing that the regenerative process is what causes the massive fatigue as your body is trying to combat the poisons, a process that continues long after treatment is complete.
And, no matter what stage and how early the disease was diagnosed, this is the first time that most of us faced our own mortality. And no matter how prepared you think you are, until you look the Grim Reaper eye to eye, your personal definition of fear is not complete. Again, no matter how low the actual risk of death is for your form of the disease, you will at some point face the fear. And in the back of your mind, you know that no matter how many times you beat the Reaper, he eventually wins.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, at the risk of sounding like I'm patting my own self on the back, anyone who has lived through cancer and the treatment, deserves a pat on the back, no matter the severity of their disease or the ultimate outcome. We've paid some dues.
Peace and love to one and all!!
Joe
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Long Overdue Update
OK, Campers. I apologize profusely for how remiss I have been in keeping this blog going. Part of it is that there hasn't been much change except for the fact that I now seem to be tired all the time and allowed myself to go into a funk over that.
But I finally started going to a support group at the Center for Positive Hope and that was a really good thing. I got to talk to a couple of guys in the same boat who assured me that the fatigue can last for a year or more. So, the good news is that I'm no different from others in this situation. The not as good news is that the fatigue can last for a year. I'm not sure how that jives with day-to-day living and going to work, but we'll just give it a few more weeks and see what plays out.
And this past weekend, Fourth of July, was Elaine's family reunion in Venice, so I got to talk to a few of her relatives (sister-in-law and a couple of cousins) who are also in various degrees of recovery from various forms of cancer. The one consistent thing was the fatigue. So, I guess this is what I have to look forward to. . .
Anyway, I will work at keeping the blog updated on a more regular basis.
Peace and love to all!!
Joe
But I finally started going to a support group at the Center for Positive Hope and that was a really good thing. I got to talk to a couple of guys in the same boat who assured me that the fatigue can last for a year or more. So, the good news is that I'm no different from others in this situation. The not as good news is that the fatigue can last for a year. I'm not sure how that jives with day-to-day living and going to work, but we'll just give it a few more weeks and see what plays out.
And this past weekend, Fourth of July, was Elaine's family reunion in Venice, so I got to talk to a few of her relatives (sister-in-law and a couple of cousins) who are also in various degrees of recovery from various forms of cancer. The one consistent thing was the fatigue. So, I guess this is what I have to look forward to. . .
Anyway, I will work at keeping the blog updated on a more regular basis.
Peace and love to all!!
Joe
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