Embracing/Dreading Round Two of Chemo

So today I find myself torn and anxious.  On one hand, I'm looking forward to progressing with the next chemo treatment but am also more than a little scared as I know it will not go as uneventfully as the first week of chemo.  On one hand, I'm glad that all the doctors and nurses at Moffitt have been up front with me as with what to expect and how the effects will become progressively worse.  On the other, I almost wish they weren't so forthright as I'm almost expecting 'Don Juan's Descent into Hell'.  I know that the truth, as always, will lie somewhere in the middle.  And, I'll deal with it as it comes.




I'm also realizing that 10 years ago, I had absolutely no clue of what David was going through.  Oh, I was empathetic and was the best caregiver I could have possibly been.  But in no way could I have ever imagined the scary, dark place where he was living. 




Now, I know some of you are asking 'Where's the upbeat Joe that we all know who puts a happy spin on everything?'  Oh, he's still here, and I know that I'm going to come out of this OK and that Elaine's and my marriage will be even stronger.  I know that by the end of the year I will eating everything in sight and enjoying it.  The world WILL spin on greased grooves and in the immortal words of Bruce Springsteen, 'Someday we'll look back on this it and it will all seem funny.'




But it's also letting me get to know myself just a little bit better.  There is a darker side that I will learn how to live with.  And just like when I went through David's ordeal, I know I will come through this one as the best person I've ever been.  And my resolve to volunteer with Hospice is stronger than ever - I want to do everything in my power to prevent people from going through the Hell that is cancer alone. 


Peace and love to all!
Joe